I was devastated by the thought of my spouse not being willing to "bend the rule" of a traditional marriage...and very angry. During the transition, I had been forced to think about and accept that my spouse would be changing to the opposite gender, try and reconcile that I am not a lesbian (bi-curious would be a better description) but still love my spouse and I was willing to try working on those issues to make our marriage work. I was angry that I had done so much thinking about what I could accept from my spouse's gender change, what I would need to sacrifice and what that meant for our marriage...but the first sign of me needing something that made her uncomfortable felt like a deal breaker.
We have a few blogs listed on T-Central that are written by the spouses of transitioners. B. Strong is one of those. If you're considering transitioning, and are married, or considering marriage, it's important to read these blogs for an insight as to just what thoughts may be going through your spouse or partner's mind.
In Can a Polyamorous Marriage Work?, B. Strong realizes that she has needs that her spouse can no longer provide. In response to those needs, she proposes a solution.