The Trans Experience
Sounds like a bad 60s band. “Now opening for the Strawberry Alarm Clock, please welcome Trans Experience!”
Yet this is my Life now. I am a trans-person. And while each of us has their own unique journey, we still share many aspects. For example, many of us knew we were TG from childhood (I personally was four when I knew.)
Another bit we have in common is that most of us have experienced the whole “I’m better than you” from other trans people- usually when we’re just starting to go public. THIS video really sums it up nicely.
Do we have anything else in common? Yes- something I call “the Pink Hangover.” This is the feeling when one is a part time woman and has to go back to being a guy. Ugh that horrible feeling! (I have no idea if FTMs get this. Can anyone clue me in?)
Another thing that many of us have in common is something I call “the Darkness.” Suicidal thoughts. Pain. Pain seems to be what we ALL have in common, no matter where we are on the vast tapestry of Gender. And the Darkness… well, I don’t wish it on anyone.
I don’t wish being TG on anyone.
But here I am. Transgender. (I won’t get into a semantic argument on my terminology btw. Live with it.) I am a Woman with boy bits. I’ve lived with this all my life. I’ve had dear friends with the same condition kill themselves, and I miss them dearly.
So what is the Trans Experience?
It’s what you make of it.
Let’s face it- life dealt us a nasty hand. We were born very different from the norm. And you know what? That’s ok. We are Special, and we should appreciate that. Is it easy? Hell no! But in the end, is it a life worth living?
Well if we wish to go there- is ANY life worth living?
I say it IS worth living. Steel is forged by fire (cliché I know) and we TGs have been through some Hot fires. Not as hot as a soldier, to be sure, but we are truly Steel. And many TGs are/were soldiers who needed to purge the femininity from their souls. Doesn’t work though. It never does. It is who we are.
We who survive are Strong. We have to be, just to survive. To conquer the Darkness. Our armor is Thick. It must be to deflect the jeers and insults hurled at us by knuckle draggers and people who think us perverted and/or evil. Our limbs are strong from treading water to keep from drowning in our sorrows.
We are Beautiful, because we are who we choose to be. We EARN our womanhood, and we prize it dearly.
In the end, is it a life worth living?
I can say that living as the Woman I was born to be has brought me Peace. Yes, Peace. That which eludes us as all the Pain, the Fire, and the Darkness consumes us. To come through all of that… and find Peace… is really all any of us can ask.
I have no illusions; this will be a hard life. But I will follow the lead of all my Sisters who walked the path before me, and walk with my head held high- proud of whom I have become.
I am a Woman. I am Me.